circular music

Ah, Dave Matthews...lovers him. Don't you? Anyhoo, he covers lots of Willie Nelson tunes. He always has. Willie is one of his heroes,* just like me. It's true. He says it often. He doesn't try to hide his admiration. He's a good boy that way.

Good taste in heroes, eh?

Getting to work with one of your heroes seems pretty special, doesn't it? Oh, what I wouldn't give to be backstage at these shows. Out in the audience is pretty damn good, too(at least I can attest to that)...but backstage? Gah, can you imagine? Really, I can't. But I wish I could. But I can't. But I wish I could. But I can't. But I wish I could.....

But then.......imagine this.....your hero's new album is coming out on January 29th(you can preorder it on Amazon for quite a savings! You know how I know? I just ordered one for me and one for my dad[for his 74th birthday yesterday].) and you discover something that makes your knees just the slightest bit weak.... something that takes your breath away just for the tiniest second....

While looking through the playlist, you discover that YOUR HERO....

is covering

one of your songs.....

wouldn't that floor you(just for a moment)? Wouldn't it break your heart(just a little bit)? Wouldn't it make you want to say your thanks(a whole damn lot)?

Oh, I can't wait for the end of this damn month of ghosts to come...and for my new Willie Nelson album to arrive, as well.
Okay...now I am going to go listen to American Baby and pretend he is singing to me...oh happy day.

G'nite!

*Gawilli....this link is for you(and for me)!!!

The View Over Nicol Street Pawn Shop

From our back deck we enjoyed sunset on the mainland mountains....

over the ugly Nicol Street Pawn Shop out back.....

across 40 miles of water.....

Sigh. Hot chocolate anyone?

Bird Nerds

Skies broke crisp and blue again today. We all got an early morning start.... following our neighbourhood's Official Bird Nerd out into the bird sanctuary south of town. I will have to get back to you with the name of the place. He knows all the good birding sites...we were looking for owls. Short-eared Owls, to be specific. It was SO BEAUTIFUL out there that I forgot we were looking for birds.

See them out there looking for birds while I am photographing ice crystals? They kept stopping and waiting for me to catch up.

They had to wait for me a lot.

It's the first sun we've seen in weeks and weeks. Though it was crispy cold and my fingers ached, I couldn't get enough of it. The long grey days have had me down, diluting my spirit as well as the colour of my eyes. What a gift the past few days have been.

So we walked through frozen rushes and ice-crusted wetlands, breathing the cold air into our lungs, tasting the melting frost and savoring the sunshine on our ruddy cheeks.

Hallelujah. Hallelujah and thank you.

Oh yeah....we were bird-watching. Right? Heheh, I forgot again.

Did I mention that we saw some birds while we were out? You know, because we were out there looking for birds, in case I didn't mention. Swans galore. This was my telephoto lens set to it's greatest capacity. Not so awe-inspiring, but it's alright. You get the idea, right? These were just a few of them.

Hey, you two!!!! Look up! Look up!!!! Someone is watching you watching birds.

Funny that we were being watched, too, isn't it?

We DID see a Short-eared Owl, but he was not the least bit interested in letting me get close enough for a photo, though the two photographers out there with the lenses as big as Eem-er probably got some good shots. Momentarily, I was jealous of them but I know that I am in this for the walks anyway. The photos are just the bonus.
Thanks, Bird Nerd, for the tour...ever the great bird guide. Your excitement is contagious and I like that none of my questions were too lame...you just answered them like they are the most well-thought-out questions. When are we going again?!?

There are lots more photos. I will be posting them to the Flickr site as soon as I know the name of the bird sanctuary.

peace

We are bound and we are bound

I have a dream today.

"And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let us turn our thoughts today

To Martin Luther King

And recognize that there are ties between us

All men and women

Living on the earth

Ties of hope and love

Sister and brotherhood

That we are bound together

In our desire to see the world become

A place in which our children

Can grow free and strong

We are bound together

By the task that stands before us

And the road that lies ahead

We are bound and we are bound(James Taylor)

Hockey Night in Canada

Oh the good ole hockey game is the best game you can name, And the best game you can name is the good ole hockey game. The Hockey Song by Stompin' Tom Conners.

TA DA

Alright, here are some photos...the bed isn't made. Don't hold it against me. Eem-er is sleeping still. She is fully backed by doctor's orders to rest, rest, rest. I shouldn't disturb her. She is happy about that part of it all. Normally, I do kick her out of bed and make it every morning. We need a headboard and some skinny side tables but that will have to wait now. I did have my eye on a really inexpensive but very nice looking headboard at a clearance furniture warehouse. It had a couple of dents but the price was great...until the vet. It won't happen for a while now.

The new rug looks beautiful though, eh? We bought that BEFORE Emma went into the doctor's. No turning back now. The open doorway back there is the walk-in closet. Michael will make a bi-fold door because it is not a standard door size...and we need bi-fold to be able to open it with the bed here.

Walking in to the walk-in closet. I found this old dresser for 20 bucks at a thrift store. Love it. We have a window in our closet that overlooks our back yard.

This is Michael's nasty old dresser. We were looking for a new one for him, too, but that's on hold now, too.

We have a beautiful, framed, bigger-than-life-size mirror to bring in, but we have to find a way to attach it safely and securely to the plaster wall at the back of the closet first. And hang some art on the other, uncovered, 9 foot plastered walls. Surreal, isn't it? Hanging art in a closet? That hutch on the right was just cheap, plain pine and Michael stained the top and sides to match the hardwood floors, then stained to doors a bright sexy red. Nothing plain about it now.

Walking back out of the closet, those empty walls over there will one day have our corner bookshelves(once they are built) filled with our books and treasures. The empty window will have a nice fabric roman blind soon, but for now, at night, I just put a piece of plywood over it. And Michael removed the main door and is sanding it and putting a clear coat on. It will be back up this weekend. When the door is open, it nearly touches the bed and that is why we need such skinny bedside tables.

In here, I don't know about art to hang. I just love looking at my walls right now. I am in no hurry to put anything up yet. The room glows so warm at night with just the small bedside lamp reflecting off all the colour and texture. It's so pretty in there. Okay...that's it. For now.

Hmmmmn. What should the next project be?!?

Ouch

Seven teeth gone. Seven. That's a mouthful of rotten bacteria. Hopefully, the murmur will clear up as the infections do. Eem-er is home, asleep, miserable, with a pink bandage on her leg and the right upper side of her mouth empty of teeth...poor thing.
However, continuing yesterday's rant on all things medical...the vet quoted me two prices. Michael and I rearranged many things to meet one of them...the lower one. No frills package. It was the most we could manage.
I went to pick her up and it was HIGHER than the high end package. No phone calls, no warning. The vet made some decisions without so much as a phone call to me, expecting me to be able to come up with an extra (nearly) $300 dollars.
I am not so sure that people who make lots of money really appreciate how difficult it is to come up with "extra" money. It's like Oprah saying everyone needs new pillows, body scrubs and plush bath towels. As if.
Anyhoo, after some confrontation in a waiting room full of other folks with pets and forthcoming bills, the price dropped quite a bit. Still not what Michael and I had anticipated, but better than the first "final" price.
More than I spent on my own medical stuff yesterday...by far. By far and away, actually.
It's a good thing Michael and I like rice and beans.
That's all I'm saying.

winter fairgrounds

How sad and lonely are fairgrounds in winter? Pretty freaking sad. But beautiful, all the same.

Today was my last hurdle for immigration. My physical. A full physical. It also makes me feel sad and lonely...even though the reason I am doing this is for the love of my life. For my Michael.

Growing up in the "working poor" in the U.S., and continuing my own working life on the outskirts of lower middle class, I hardly ever had health insurance. My only reasons to see a doctor were emergencies...and then hours of filling out forms to see if the cost could be covered by somebody else....anybody else.

The doctor today said I should have used some of my tattoo money for regular physicals and women's shit. Goddamn. Everyone is a critic. Some of them were from a time I could afford tattoos AND healthcare. I didn't get them all yesterday. Some of my tattoos were trade for bookkeeping.... among the general population, you would be suprised how much the Barter System is alive and well in the U.S. and elsewhere...and I can put someone's bookkeeping in order in hours....or a bit longer, if you are disorganized...like many tattoo artists. Not many doctors barter anymore(though I have seen some doctors who know just how far minimum wage goes when you have rent to pay). She also said something about dental shit....does anyone have any idea how expensive dental anything is without insurance? Ask me how much tomorrow will cost to have some dental work done on my dog...go on, ask. It's heartbreaking.

I had major dental work done five years ago. And? That rich asshole(as well as the dentist I'd seen before him) was a critic, too. He told me that it would be "no more" than a car payment for a few months to cover his costs...he drove a Porshe. Um, I already HAD a car payment AND insurance for that car and rent and groceries and utilities, etc. to pay. You know what else? I know I worked HARDER than either of those two....life costs more when you're "poor." Don't think it doesn't.

It's not a crime to be poor, but everyone sure makes you feel like it is...even here. Fuck off.

So, besides my attidude, all went well enough....girlie stuff went well(whew) and my physical went well, also(whew). Chest X-rays? Clear. Now, just the bloodwork to wait for. It's been such a process...such worry....because, of course, I haven't always been kind to myself. I have not always been kind to myself. I didn't know I was supposed to be kind to myself. Nobody taught me that. Damn. Who knew I would be here now when I was young and dumb and not being kind to myself? And the not knowing for as long as I have not known? Damn. Double damn. Double dog damn. Really.

Fingers crossed that all is well...today went much easier than I thought originally....in fact, I am toasting with a beer tonight.

Honestly, fuck the US and their medical system for making this such an outright burden for me. I have been sick with worry over it...and that alone could have been enough to make me sick enough not to get here.

Forgive me for my four letter words.

I have been so very worried about things that are beyond my control. I just want to be here with my Michael. I just want the clueless, worthless, lame and pathetic choices I made in my young life to have no bearing in the life I have been living every day, acutely aware of and making coherent decisions in for many years. Many, many years.

So, I toast one too many tonight. I am sure Fourdinners would approve of that. After all, he says that the Pissheads of the world should unite. Cheers. It's done now. Hopefully, all is well and I can, at age 39, get one with the rest of my life. Whatever that is.

Peace out and fingers crossed.

Guess what I'm doing....

Moving us back into our newly (re)finished master bedroom....woot woot!
Still need blinds and a couple of skinny bedside tables...and eventually bookcases so that I can take our books back out of the boxes they are in. I miss them.
Yesterday I had the most surreal moment...Michael and I were deciding which art to hang...in our closet!!!! Hahahahaha. How freaking weird is that?!? Our walk-in closet is gorgeous...except for the hole in the ceiling from the leak we can't find.
Well, back to work.

Walkies....

Okay, we've had some damn crappy grey weather....but today, despite the early rain, it worked for me. Walkies at the estuary today were beautiful. Even the sogginess on the ground didn't seem so oppressive. Rabbits a-plenty for Eem-er to chase...the light, the fog, the camera. Redwing blackbirds singing like it was Springtime...that or the dead of night. Do they know something I don't?

The fog, like *Smoke on the water. Ethereal. Magical. Heartbreaking.

And the sun coming down....

...a gift for my soul.

Learn to fly.

*Shout out, Victoria.

Just a walk in the park....

Er, wait... is that how the saying goes?!? Or is it...Just smoke some crack in the park? Dang. I never could get that right.

I was wondering

if I always look this tired?

grey on grey on grey

The days are short,
The sun a spark
Hung thin between
The dark and dark. (John Updike)


Not a lot of good light or good weather for photos lately...we've been out dog-walking every day, but it's been so soggy and muddy and messy that the camera mostly stays home these days. Yesterday, though, we were off to Morrell in a world of white.

First, I had to scrape the windshield though. Seemed such a shame because it was so pretty!

What is it about snow that dogs love so much?

They just romp and play and roll and dig....which, of course, makes all us dog "moms" happy. We love to see our little monsters having so much fun.

It's gorgeous out here, isn't it? Makes us feel we are so far away from everything out here. We're really not, though. Not really.

Well, that's about it. Short and sweet today. Thanks for coming along.

something about my house....

Even the cat leans left.

Sunday night....

Honor....a good brave soul. You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

Quiet weekend, reflective, with a bit more bad news thrown in. Our friend's old dog stepped on her rainbow yesterday. Our pack got a little smaller. We all got a little sadder. She was a good old soul and she'll be missed.
We had a couple of good walks, though. Some sunny skies late on the weekend. Nice. Went throught the checkbook, rearranged, gave up a shopping spree and new Fluevogs...not such a big loss, really. Not in my doggie-love world. Not in the grand scheme of things. Not when I know what real loss is...
Anyhoo, have a good night.

Goodbye, Honor. We'll all go walking together soon. Have a good rest.
We'll talk later.

Dogsong2 by the Be Good Tanyas

Out in the trees, dirt on our knees
We laid her down forever
And on that hill there it was still
As in the ever after
She lays her rest, we knew it best
To lay her down so gently
And now she sleeps where moss does creep
And no more is she with me
The birds did cry, and so did i
To think of life so lonely
And in their song
I heard it long
What sadness, and what beauty
Your friend is gone, but you live on
In life you loved her fully
But now little streams and forests dream
And all is made more holy

Can another year have really passed already, Chicken? I could really use your sense of humour right about now. Love you. Miss you.

Okay, folks, yesterday was meltdown day. Sorry about that. Consider yourselves lucky you weren't RIGHT HERE with me. Honest. Heheh. Too much news in too short a time, and I am still sick a bit and all. I I can't process that much stuff that fast...and this is a month of old ghosts for me already, and now a dancing new one. I have my own big physical for Immigration coming up soon and that has me on edge, too. I'm fine. Really, I am. Today feels better already. We're going to schedule Emma for some surgery(thanks for the Christmas green, Dad. I am sure you thought we'd do something fun with it...so did we, actually) to remove some bad teeth...the murmur may be related to that. One step at a time.
Laters.

Update....besides all that! There is this

January blues

This month is hard one...it's all about renewal, a new start, a new plan...whatever. January is a hard month. I lost my Gramma in January 2000. I lost my dog, my friend, my sweetness, in January, a few years back. We lost Michael's dad last January.
Yesterday, I lost an old friend. The same phone call informed me that I may be losing someone else. Someone important in my life.
Today, the vet told me Eem-er has a heart murmur. It wasn't there one year ago. This is a difficult month. Where is the fresh start?!?
I don't know how to go about the next few days. I want to go home so bad I can't hardly stand it. And I never thought that would happen.

Wild Bill

His name was Bill Wild.
We all called him Wild Bill...even into our 30's...our late 30's. Our very late 30's. Maybe he was in his early 40's.
I will always remember him as a teenager best. Nothing slowed him down.
Nothing except himself.
He could laugh. Loudly.
He could cry. Too.
He could fall in love easily....and get hurt mightily.
Or he could play the field...in his manic comic style.
And he could dance...and I couldn't, but he never told me that. Bless his heart. We met dancing, actually.
At the Surf Club. I was sixteen maybe....seventeen? He might have been a bit older, but I never asked. It didn't really matter at the time.
He love Karaoke...his favorite song was "Daniel" by Elton John. Not very danceable...but he sang it well.
When I left home, I didn't see Bill for years....and years...and then some more years. When I saw Bill the first time after ten plus years, across the street and down the block in downtown Olympia, he let out a WHOOP so loud! He rushed to my arms. My friend. We danced that night in the street.
He died this morning.
Cancer. We've all known for a good long while now. Damn it, anyway.
The call came this evening from Jina, one of my oldest friends and another of his longtime dance partners. There are a few of us out here. There will be some tears being shed tonight... but maybe it is just clouds in our eyes.
I can still see him as a fresh faced teenangster, trying his best to lay a winning line on a pretty girl. I don't know how often it worked. We never talked about that. Mostly, we just danced together. And laughed. Swapped some gossip...in our 30's we discovered the extreme lowrider pants with thong underwear fashion trend while out together one night and laughed hysterically about it(we, the 198o something fashionistas)...Occasionally, over the second(or third) beer in later years, we shared serious news. News about divorces. News about old friends. News about cancer. Or? We just danced.
Immersed in immigration, I can't go home to dance at his funeral. I hope there is dancing at his funeral. There should be dancing at his funeral.
It's the only way to celebrate his life...and he loved a celebration.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ayolhaLMUI

May this dance never end, Wild Bill. We love you.

Headline: Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Okay, that wasn't really the headline, but it should have been. This is from the Nanaimo Daily Bulletin...the first house is half a block south of us, I can see it from my front porch. We know the owners...and they have had a tough time in the neighbourhood already, but they are good fighters! The second house is one block up and owned by a woman in her 80's....and they didn't just go through her fence. They hit her holly tree and it fell against her house.

Two Nanaimo men wreaked four hours of havoc Friday morning in Nanaimo’s south end.Ian Clayton O’Brien, 20, and Kelly Scott Casey, 26, appeared in court Monday facing an array of charges stemming from the morning of chaos.At 7:08 a.m., police responded to a call from a witness saying a blue 1993 Honda Prelude had clipped his truck near Victoria Avenue and Milton Street. Moments later, the Prelude, which belonged to O’Brien but had invalid licence plates, clipped a telephone pole and crashed into the home of James Younger.“I remember it was exactly 7:13 (a.m.),” said Younger, who had been asleep in the basement. “I had been working until 4 a.m. I was afraid I’d find somebody dead in the car.”Younger went upstairs to make sure his wife and children were OK. “Thankfully, nobody was hurt.”The occupants fled the scene and allegedly stole a white minivan, which then crashed into a fence in the 500 block of Hecate Street around 7:50 a.m.“Two males were seen fleeing that scene,” said Const. Jen Allan of the Nanaimo RCMP. “Though one of them left his boots behind at the crash site.”At 10:08 a.m. were reported trying to steal cars in the parking lot at First and Bastion streets. They then made their way to Port Place shopping centre where they entered a shoe store and made off with a pair of shoes.Police apprehended them a short time later on Albert Street after receiving similar identification notes from witnesses at each scene .

Before they go to jail, they should have to come provide the labour to fix that lady's fence, and James' house, themselves. They'll certainly never pay to have them fixed. And maybe they should do it barefoot. Sheesh.