Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I know people..........

Yup...it's all in who you know...those tickets are mine, er, were mine...er, were somebody else's....but then those people decided not to go and gave them to People That I Know...and then those people gave them to me and then they were mine.....MINE!!!! HOLY MOLY!!!!!!!!
That's me alright...at the Junos...Can you even believe??? I am so lucky that Daniel Lanois was not there(as is he), as I might have had to attach myself to him in some sort of devious way. You know how I can be around people that I adore sometimes. And I, too, have pictures of famous people...but am waiting for one of those People That I know to post all her Junos stories, backstage dramas, Ben Mulrooney(did I spell that right?) adventures, Jann Arden sightings, etc, first. It's only fair....I wouldn't have been there at all without those People That I Know and totally LOVE!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you ever, ever, ever so to Heidi and Jethro for company, the cab ride, dress-up time, and tickets to the show of shows....you know, aside from those Nickleodean guys...wait, Shiny Nickel? Nickle-plated? Nicklewho?

Thursday, March 26, 2009

don't be jealous....

but somehow... some way that I don't really understand...position of the planets....the world order...something bigger than you or I....Karma...Kismet...or just plain in NEED of it....

I am going here for a price I can afford....a great big steal, er, deal. Soon. With a very good friend. We're gonna have loads of fun...we're gonna be spoiled rotten....we're gonna be all-inclusive, with a little extra money to spend...we'll have a GREAT time and she won't get me into trouble...those are the best kind of friends to have, aren't they???? Hell, yeah!

My whole life? Vacations were time spent at home or couch surfing or camping...all of which I have thoroughly enjoyed. I have seen so much. Done so much. Been just about Everywhere.. but? After this past winter? A week of five star luxury and all-inclusive food and drinks??? The only extra expense? Manicure, pedicure and massage....and tips. Sounds about like heaven...on a budget. We lucked out on the timing of this trip, the price....the amenities. Feels a bit like we did something right.

Also? Going to Vancouver this weekend. Meeting friends.... staying with my soul sister...connecting with some of the people who ground me to this earth. Sweet.

Then? The weekend after that? Seeing Leonard Cohen, one of my heroes, with my soul sister again...and her sister, my friend...and her beau, my friend. So thankful for these extraordinary gifts at this time....

It means the world...it's life.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


i'd never seen his new teeshirt

and he'd never seen my new ink...

birds of a feather....................

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

signs of Spring

despite the chill in the air, the hookers wear skirts....in fashionable Spring colours.

Thursday, March 12, 2009


one simple moment captures your imagination...or your love....or you know, whatever.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


got a new doo today....business in the back and party in the front. It's retro 80's with a modern twist...i likey. Makes me feel less than 40....but? I don't know how to pull it back for work. Looks like the work for a thousand bobbie pins. I may have to set my alarm earlier.
Yes, I am still in my Martin Sexton sweatshirt.

Monday, March 09, 2009

teeter totter

Despite an increase in medication, there are still so many days that all I want to do is lie in bed, with Eem-er, wrapped in my Martin Sextin hoodie and Underdog pajamas, telling myself stories, following the plotlines that are my dreams...when I CAN sleep, that is. Mostly, that seems to be in the daytime. At night, I just wander around, flop on the couch, torment the cat....last night,er, this morning, whatever, I watched another snowfall and nearly had a complete and total meltdown. Will this winter never end?
We had a beautiful dinner party last night and I went to bed feeling satisfied and happy, after a day of high anxiety and sleep deprivation. My house was full and I fed people, drank some wine, laughed out loud....it was good. Really good. Sleep should be sound. Sometime around 1 am, I am awake...again...watching snow fall outside the window.
So these meds....Paxil, to be exact....sometimes, somedays, I feel really good. I think this is what it's really all about. I think that maybe everything is going to be fine....and then the next day, it is a struggle to get out of bed. The tears are so close...but I don't know the cause.
The idea, according to Dr. McQT, is that by using this drug, we remind my brain how to make "happy hormones," or whatever. My brain will get used to this. When I feel "normal," I get back off the drug. Sounds simple. Right? But, recently? I've had this thought....how do I know what "normal" is? I have found my moroseness normal for quite a long time...maybe forever, if I really think about it hard. Maybe I damaged all the feel-good receptors in my brain in my previous life. Maybe my previous life happened because I never felt good before...
I can see how I should be feeling now...I don't know if that is the Paxil or not...I feel like I could touch it every now and then...sometimes, it touches me and WOW. It's good. For a day or two.
I don't know. So, what's next? What is the journey? Why is it so much work to be happy? Or even just satisfied...content?
Anyhoo....the big push from Dr. McQT, from the beginning, has been counseling....gawd. I went for a while way back when. His name was Dr. Garfunkel. I don't think I told him a word of truth....all he wanted to do was prescribe things. Now, though, I'm already on something so? I've called the number twice. Hung up both times. I don't know how to do this part. .

Wednesday, March 04, 2009


the last little bit of our trip....

this is a grey whale skull that the folks who owned the place we stayed at pulled out of the bay, stinky thing that it was....then. amazing thing that it is now....

Here is Long Beach....Tofino. Isn't it beautiful? Come visit. Come surf. Come walk. Come covet. We won't mind. Honest.

Eem-er was free for days here....she was so absolutely, fantastically exhausted...and we enjoyed our our long evenings with a really over-the-top-tired dog. We don't get that often.

We don't get these long, wide open, sandy beach walks on our coast....it's not that far away, really.

Amazing, isn't it?

Dunes next to rainforests? From flat sand to dunes to tall trees?

Hard to imagine that the two coasts of the same island are so different....here, in Tofino, I recall Newport, Oregon, with the tall rocks and the flat beaches.. the winter storms, the summer traffic...it was so much like "coming home," often a feeling I don't experience all too often, not even when I am coming home. The sound of the surf rolling in and rolling in....it's like nothing else you have ever experienced....
It's like every comfortable thing you've ever experienced coming together in one thing....mashed potatoes or mac and cheese, your favourite pajamas, your best friend, your favourite toy, favourite song(s), the moments of utmost magic that have happened in your life....the best music, the most privately ecstatic moments....your oldest, softest sweater...your treasured stuffed animal....

and the all the longing of your life....all that you've ever wanted...or desired...or needed...or hoped for.

That is the magic here.

This, the beach, the wide open, where water meets sky, is often a dream of mine...even when I live here... The divine. The face of god....but then again...so is is the high desert...the colour blue of a Colorado sky....the hurricane force of the winds of a south Texas Island Storm.
There is magic everywhere.
We just need to remember to look.
We need to remember to see.
No matter how hard it is to remember sometimes....and believe me, I know...we need to remember just where and what and who we are here...there is magic, there is every chance to catch your breath...and to remember....

and? just in case you have an extra ten minutes to spare...I add this...
, cuz he's there, too. In all that magic... did I happen to mention that I am going to see Leonard Cohen? Gotta love the music...the mastery...of nature, of poetry, of songwriters, of the epic, the lore, the love, the legend, the spectacle, the belief that our words can change the world....at least your world and my world.

Monday, March 02, 2009

I was waiting for the miracle

So my plans for a Mexican holiday fell through...but that left me with more than enough money for this...hell, yeah! I am going to see Leonard Fucking Cohen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!