Tuesday, December 29, 2009


i was hoping that my bah humbuggeyness would subside....it hasn't.  i was hoping things would look new and exciting as this month drew to a close...they don't.  but there is still a new year on the horizon.  i am absolutely aching for change, for peace, for a sounder sense of self.  

Aren't you?

2009 was harder than most. 


what i hope for is a better year in 2010.   don't care about Whistler Olympics or Rah-Rah- Go Bristish Columbia.  what i hope for in this coming year is this....that we all find firmer footing, that we all remember everything/everyone that has graced our lives.  What i hope for for the coming year is this...somewhere, somehow, we all find that balance that we seek... in spite of outside forces, in spite of inner dialogue....

we deserve it.

so, my friends...

truly, let's make sure we strive to make this our best year ever...

talk to you soon, eh?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

my name in print

despite my many negative feelings about December; every horrible holiday experience experienced coming up in every dream, the many December/January losses(some really fresh and others long simmering), the longlonglong days of grey, the days of waking up in the dark and going to bed in the dark, my own self-diagnosis of Seasonal Affective Disorder(which may be heralded if the freaking intake nurse at Mental Health would ever return my call, hello???? )...i have had a couple, or three, break-throughs in my gloominess.... still holiday Grinchy.....don't get me wrong there.  This will always be a tough sell month for celebration for me.  I will go into that  with the intake nurse, if i can ever get a hold of them...(that's you, Nancy!).

This month, despite many, many weeks of not taking a single picture(of feeling there was nothing worth recording on my end), i have had three successes....i have one photo in a Canada province-wide magazine on fishing, of all things.

(i don't fish, though).  

I have a photo being printed for greeting cards, all the proceeds of which go to getting animals rescued and adopted.  I have a photo(of the same rascally dog) being published for a training pamphlet/online course to teach police officers  across the US and the public about the horrible crime of dog-fighting rings.....maybe you all know Marley...if not....http://www.flickr.com/photos/59041131@N00/3681946835/ follow all links... his story will make your heart both break and re-invent itself....truly.

 I love him...it's not the first time i have written about him....if this is your first read, then let me introduce him to you...http://www.flickr.com/photos/59041131@N00/3681946835/ 

So, funny enough...it's been a long time i haven't felt like i have contributed a thing....and now, it's Christmas Eve, and I find that this night, of all nights, i might make some small difference.  it's good. it feels good. 

i do love to find moments that no one else does.

although i mostly doubt anyone finds those moments when i find find them....this time, this most precious time of my life, i have been proved wrong.  

i love those moments.

i love dogs. and these moments.

i love that i made some impact.  however small.

and so, with that small statement of gratitude, even if you don't know what the past year of my life has meant( in all the greater and lesser degrees, and assuredly NOT  in comparison with yours, for i make no comparisons of high times or low times(we all deal with our own times/experiences/phobias/stressors in our own way, in our time)), i have been/ am/ will be/ forever thankful of your input, your participation, your available input and advice, your insight into my life, your guidance, your intuitiveness.

i have not been here much lately, in words or posts....but i have been here...listening....learning... trying to accept your friendships, your input, your advice...

Peace on Earth, my friends.  

And prayers for our most fulfilling year to come.

Merry Christmas

Sunday, December 20, 2009


 one year ago today....we, the collective we of all who knew and loved him as well as those denied that honour, lost someone most treasured. as kids, we called him Pickle. An especially humbuggy year for me, imagine that today, one year later, i find myself looking at this christmas ornament...love is never lost.

Dearest Pickle....we love and miss you so.

Peace everlasting.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

hey, y'all....

how the hell are ya????
yeah, i have been gone a while...and not sure i am "officially" back...but, today has been a beautiful day, blue skies, no rain, warm enough for two layers instead of four and dry enough for no rain gear....
the new hood is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo quiet.....we're still not unpacked, we moved in while we were both sick...me? i still have a fabulous chest cough once in a while, though am able to contain it until moments i am alone. as long as i don't squeal or grow pink curly tail, i consider myself lucky. i wanted to be in touch sooner but things have been....um....chaotic, at the least.
we moved in at a time that Nanaimo was flooding....flood warnings everywhere....weeks of rain, the ground could not absorb it all....which is WEIRD in a place designed to take in rain....we, here on the west coast, are considered a temperate rainforest, after all. we moved in here in a time of great personal reflection on both parts...which leads to other things....
the house is small in consideration of the last...has caused some issues with furniture and hand me downs and bric-a-brac.... we have argued. my meds are creating issues. his moods create issues. the up and down and here and about and what comes next creates issues.
but? this is a lovely house....and for the past two weeks or so, i walk eem-er every day throughout this new hood, not worried about encountering situations that i have no patience for.
i have already established a route past a few of my favourite little houses...yes, little houses here, bungalows, cabins, what you will. also, i let eem-er follow her own nose on these walks and have come across such suprising places around here, wandering indiscrinately back and forth, block by block....
so yeah, as i say, i don't whether i am back "back" or just back in a flash.....
still kicking
hope you all are,too