Why is 40 such a big deal? There have been YEARS of my life where I didn't remember how old I was...for real. I don't remember being 24 at all. Is that weird? I don't feel much different than I did in my late 20's(mentally...physically, DAMN!!!!) and I think I should. Shouldn't I? Sometimes I think I should be further along than I am...more at peace, more comfortable in my skin...I actually think sometimes I am going backwards in those areas....but then I realize how often I laugh out loud...and feel, really FEEL things now. Even the uncomfortable things.
We set set the alarm to get up and watch the sunrise over the lake and then went back to bed. How funny are we? It was beautiful, though.
Right now in Washington State, they are trying to pass a Doctor Assisted Suicide Bill for people with terminal disease. My brother-in-law, whom I adore, is completely and vocally against it...with very convincing arguments that have nothing to do about God or sin....but I still intend to vote in favour of it, all the same. Wait...I wasn't going to talk politics...though there is nothing political about the time we all go Home. Sometimes, I gotta really, truly believe we all know when the time is right to just, simply, go Home. Somehow, I feel my time in Olympia next month will be nothing but political, at every turn....and I dread that. But I still love my family.
I spent 2 hours with an accupuncturist today. It is the first time in months without some remarkable pain....but somehow, I don't trust this reprieve. I can still feel where the pain is supposed to be. Does that make sense?
It's 9/11 then...I am still sitting alone on the floor of our house in Vancouver watching the towers fall through my tears, barely able to breathe, alone in a foreign country, unable to cross the closed borders even though I should be home, part of the collective pain, part of the collective suffering.....bleeding.
It's 9/11 now, and I feel we've learned nothing.
But the sun still rises and feels good on my skin....
and I can still find something magic just about anywhere, if I remember to take the time.
Eem-er's boyfriend, Dukie, is moving back to Ontario this month with his mom and dad. This neighbourhood seems so empty now. Except for the crack hookers.
"This getting older ain't for cowards." And, I have felt like a bad country music fan...y'all know that we lost Jerry Reed on August 31, don't ya? Some of you may only recognize him as Burt Reynold's sidekick in Smokey and Bandit. If that's all you know, then look him up. He was so much more than that. We lost an artist, a musician, a songwriter...a good ole boy and a poet. Goodnight, Guitar Man, one sure can get lost in the Louisianna Bayou. Hope you found your way.
8 comments:
This post was wonderful — and full of life from every possible corner. 9/11 makes me very reflective, too.
happy birthday m'dear!
Once again, great pictures.
I think 9/11 is going to be a tough one for a long time to come. I remember just getting back home from taking kids to school and watching it on tv. I think I felt every hair stand on end.
Is today your birthday? Don't sweat 40. I think the older I get, the more at peace with everything I am. I wanted my 40th to be quiet, but had a house full of people drop by just to rub it in, courtesy of my dear husband. Luckily, I'm a couple years younger than most of my friends so it wasn't too bad.
olly, not quite yet....a couple of weeks. it's just on my mind, ya know?
it is not sad getting up just to watch the sun rise.
being 40 was a big thing for me too it just sounded so old, I it made me think that I should start growing up! but hey I did it and that was 7 years ago OMG I am nearer 50 now yikes!!!!!!
I had my age crisis at 30 for some reason. It was a real downer and by my 40th I couldn't care less. I suppose a lot depends on what is going on in our lives at the time.
Enjoy your trip and a big Happy B to you!
Beautiful post. I will vote for that bill because I want it available if I ever need it. I loved my 40s!! (hope you do too)
Well, I'm 42 and pretty much starting from scratch again! I don't feel as old as it sounds to me, I just feel like a jaded 20-something'er. ;)
Hope your birthday was/is fantastic! (My 40th was actually a lot of fun in spite of the crap that was going on in my life!)
I loved this post. Stunning words and pictures.
I had no idea about the Washington thing. I just went through losing my mother to lung cancer and I absolutely want to live somewhere that doctor-assisted suicide is legal. (I thought Oregon was my closest possibility.) My mom once said "they would never let a dog suffer this way" and those words will haunt me forever.
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