mid-life what?

What is this and why is it happening? Winter, weather, lack of light, or a completely cliche mid-life crisis? I really hate to be cliche. Synapses misfiring right and left...only the end of October and just the first week of rain, already seeking comfort in St. John's Wort for the blue meanies on a daily basis...skullcap and valerian in moments of panic...which are happening more often than I dare really admit. Often, I have moments, or hours, when I get the feeling that I want to go home...but I don't really know what that means. I am home. I have moments, or hours, so close to tears that I have to fake my way through....moments if someone asks me if I am alright, I may just burst into tears for no reason...no reason that I can make sense of....
but my new Martin Sexton cds are helping...
my headphones drowning out everything...for a while, while I run and sweat...trying to outrun something....barely suppressed panic(thank you skullcap), most likely.....
so, i'm doggie paddling right now...head above water but not really moving forward too fast....but at least it's forward...i can recognize that...so my brain still works....i think....
but maybe you can understand why i am not posting too much right now?!?
k, thanks.

I stalked Martin Sexton.....

After arriving in Vancouver too early to check in to our hotel and too early to collect our tickets at will call here at the Vogue, we wandered and window shopped our way to Gastown to meet some friends for a quick trip to the Fluevog store and then a little lunch. Then we all piled into their car and cruised for a parking spot at Granville Island....no easy feat, believe me. Eventually, we found ourselves among the fruit vendors, the meat sellers, artisans and street performers. It was sunny and Sunday and the market was packed, roasted chestnuts warmed our hands, and sweet strawberries topped it all off.
Our friends left us there, and we tottled off to the water taxis to find our way back downtown...to collect our tickets and check in to our hotel...find somewhere for an afternoon coffee or even a pint of microbrew...
And here, window-shopping our way along Granville Street to the Vogue(for the second time in one day), Michael pointed out Martin Sexton himself strolling along the sidewalk going in the opposite direction. AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At which point, I reversed direction and followed along behind him...yup. I did. I stalked Martin Sexton. I followed along behind him into a store and then another.... completely inconspicuous in my bright red hoody and giddy demeanor. I was so sure he hadn't noticed until, as he looked at jeans, and I idled at the table of Converse tennis shoes directly behind him, he pulled his sunglasses down and glanced over at me...just to let me get a good look at him, I guess...I hope, anyway. I nearly fell over my own feet on the way to the front door of the store...where I swooned on the sidewalk a while near Michael(who refused to participate in my stalking exercise). Then, when he came out of the store, Martin, er, Mr. Sexton looked our way, smiled a smirky, half-amused smile, reversed his direction and wandered off down the sidewalk.

Of course, in reversing his direction, he was now walking the way we had originally been going! So we fell in step behind him again, this time a little further back...until he passed the Vogue. We stopped at will call and got our tickets and then moved on to our hotel to check in...my eyes peeled for another glimpse of Martin, er,...Mr. Sexton. Didn't happen, though.

If you ever have a chance to see Martin Sexton live, don't hesitate. GO!!!!! GO!!! GO!!! He is amazing. Honest to god....he is all about the music, the audience, the experience. He absolutely IS everything that is right with American music...gifted musician, songwriter, showman, honest, creative, embracing, true...and funny. In an age where studio wizardary can make the album, it is just such pure joy to have one man and his guitar take an entire audience away with him during a performance...in the journey.

I can't believe it took me 12 years for us to be in the same town at the same time in order to see him... it was worth the wait....though I hope I don't have to wait that long again.

Certainly, I hope he isn't afraid to come back to Vancouver thinking that Canadians are crazy stalkers or something. If that is the case, Mr. Sexton, I assure you, I am a fellow US citizen and that is where I get that from....I apologize for stalking you. I wasn't trying to be unnerving. I was really trying to get up the nerve to come thank you for extending your tour to Vancouver, and to thank for all the music over the years...but I was too nervous...so, if you read this?

Thank you so very much.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

we're home

already back at work...big weekend plans in Vancouver(Martin Sexton concert)....

we didn't get the cutest car ever....but don't have time for the story today...or tomorrow...and definitely not this weekend cuz did I mention? Martin Sexton concert....

trying to catch up on all your posts but don't have time to comment right now...nor words. er, words that make much sense, anyway.........because

my brain is unruly lately...need to let it settle a bit. too much stuff rattling around in there at the moment...like there is a substitute teacher in the classroom right now or something......

the leaves turned while we were gone. sigh. i don't like winter...must toughen up.

see you soon?

Is it just me

or is time really suddenly moving so fast that I can't keep up? The days are shorter, it's dark when I get up now...dark early, too. I shouldn't be so suprised by it, but I am. I think summer was here just last week, wasn't it? This week will be a madhouse so I thought I would make a little time here to check in...write something here, actually comment on some of your pages. I miss everybody. We need to have a little get together or something, eh? Oh...maybe a collective photo challenge or something. Only, just not now...cuz I can't keep up.
Around the hood here, there is new playground equipment in the park, and the new retirement residence has finished blasting and commenced building. Em's old place across the street is getting a huge facelift with new roof, siding, fencing, decks and stairs. It will be so nice to not see the old eyesore when I pull back the curtains. Our very colourful neighbours across the street moved out so we're all holding our breath to see who the landlord puts in next. Fingers crossed.
Thanksgiving is coming and I hear that we'll be pretty busy at work this week, so I am savouring having today off. Finishing up packing for my trip home, buying gifts for all the birthdays I have missed, etc. We leave on the first ferry out on Sunday, after a bit of a scramble to find a house/kitty sitter. It's been a long time since I was home. I am kind of nervous about it. Weird, eh?
It'll be good, though. Good to see my family and friends. Good to see Mount Rainier in the distance, good to walk Capitol Lake, good to be home for a bit. Good not to see Victoria Road for a bit.
Did I mention that I have been running? After the running clinic wrapped up a few months ago, I kept running...so finally, I think I am beginning to see the results...took long enough. Sheesh. Encouraged by that. I joined a gym today...it's right on my way to work. Like right there. Met with a trainer today to set my goals, measure up(ugh) and see what I have to do to get where I want...and I have to say, I was suprised to learn that I am really already pretty close. I must have a completely warped idea of what I look like. Which also suprised me...I thought I wasn't the "type." Aside from the idea that I want to look "HOT" in my 40's, really I just want to feel strong again...cuz I remember liking that feeling. A lot.
Oh, and? Michael ordered me the Dexter books...can't wait. They will be waiting for me when we get to Washington. And? We are quite possibly buying the cutest car ever while we're down there....my little van can't be imported so we have to sell it while we're down there...and hopefully buy something else. I'd show you, but then one of you might run out and buy it out from under us....not that I don't trust each and every one of you. I'm gonna miss my van, though. I love her.
And? Practicing lessons from U-Dog, I took Eem-er out "off-leash," just her and I yesterday. Faced my own fear about it, and dropped her dragline on the ground...and we both did pretty well, I think. It was way better than I anticipated. We're going out again today while the chicken stock cooks...
Chicken stock...it's soup weather again. Sigh.
Anyhoo, that's enough rambling, isn't it?

Exquisite

Tell me again about the Flaws,

about the warps, and the buckles, and the twists,

about the dangerous ways we get lost,

and then listen....

Let me tell you about the Beauty,

about following an uneven path barefoot,

fingertips brushing the high grasses,

eyes seeking, breath exhaling and, even still, trapped.

Find something that steals your sleep...

or your soul...

Something so exquisitely Flawed that it may even break your heart

but leaves it beating, just the same...

and then tell me.

Tell me about the Beauty.