still don't like her

it's funny how saying you don't like, agree with, or even think she's seeing things in a reality based way(anymore), or that she she doesn't see the real morality of things, only the headlines, Oprah can change your world...
even if you're a nobody to begin with...
so fair warning...
if you don't like what she's saying and/or doing? or? even if you have a legitimate question about a story she's had her opinion on? ....no matter how compelling your argument seems to you, yourself? don't mention it to anybody. just don't do it. bite your fucking tongue. apparently, she has spies everywhere...and your whole life will come crashing down.
just saying...
oprah who?
i'm not saying...
anything.
not even the fact that 90 percent of her book club books i read before her...and people think i like her cuz of my library??? fuck off. i read the Heart is a Lonely Hunter when i was 11...oh, crap...did i just mention oprah and book club in the same post? CRAP. as if it wasn't horrible enough the first time around. oh, and since i am already here?!? A Million Little Pieces is still a great book.

walking through tall cotton

been trying to place my feet carefully, but i can't really see them...you know, figuratively.
it's been a year(and some)...and i wonder if i am coming out of it or if it's the the extra hours of daylight...
many long nights of dark imaginings...
many wishes for other wishes....
lately, although my thoughts are a bit clearer, as i look around me, i realize there are a lot fewer people about. i was not sure, at first, how i would make it. but? it's nice that such decisions have been taken care of...at least for now. it's easier to not have other people telling me how things are, how i should be, how things are supposed to be...
cuz all of those things couldn't have been farther from the truth of my reality for the last year(and some)... i mean, it's nice, and all, that you think you knew what was going on...but, you really didn't...so thanks...you know, for not asking. Thanks for just assuming. it's made some things harder in short term...you know, my short term...that drags on forever....but? it's just because i have issues about hurting your feelings....i mean, not yours, right now, reading now...at least, i don't think it's you. i hope it's not you...i hope you've moved on so that i can be myself here again. has enough time passed? is this a new place? with the same name? i don't want to have to change everything, after all.

in case you haven't heard of him, might i present Martin Sexton

Leon Russel wrote it...but man, Ray Charles could sing it....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftEkEXFcQyE

I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs I've made some bad rhyme
I've acted out my love in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you

I know your image of me is what I hope to be
I've treated you unkindly but darlin' can't you see
There's no one more important to me
Darlin' can't you please see through me
Cause we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

You taught me precious secrets of the truth witholding nothing
You came out in front and I was hiding
But now I'm so much better and if my words don't come together
Listen to the melody cause my love is in there hiding

I love you in a place where there's no space or time
I love you for in my life you are a friend of mine
And when my life is over
Remember when we were together
We were alone and I was singing this song for you
We were alone and I was singing this song for you

rusty

dear Blogger, and Blogger Friends....
i am rusty with blogging. perhaps i shouldn't have opened myself up so much online....or? perhaps i shouldn't have let my face-to-face friends know about Blahg. now, i find myself editing myself on both fronts. i have always felt honest on both fronts, although what i choose to talk about on both is completely seperate from the other...
here, in print, i have felt safe to convey my innermost thoughts and feelings, even the angry, sordid ones. now? because i have been called into question in my "real" life, i feel i no longer have that/this/our safety net. i don't feel i can put my most honest emotions down. it's been a hard year...and though many people who haven't known me "all my life" may not recognize what's going on, i am sure there are many others who might...
it's just this....i come around in my own time...and my timing has always been off. but? i miss being honest here...in fear of offending someone, anyone, i lose my ability to speak...that is kinda how i am in "real life."
so i kinda wish the two had never come together, right? even though the reason for starting this Blahg was to keep in touch with my "real" world.
does any of that make sense?

if wishes were horses....

this is my safe place....a horse whose name i don't even know. i found him during a dog walk a few years back...and have been so thankful for that. i'd like to take him home with me and keep him in my yard, take him for a walk every day, breathe the same air, comb the tangles from his hair...
if wishes were horses, he'd already be mine.

ever had those kind of days when....

you don't really know if it is a good day or bad day...or just another day? yeah. i kinda got that going on a lot lately.