omg

omg omg omg...
seriously.
how much damage can one person do?
and no, before you ask, it's not me.
i just had to say it out loud. so to speak.
you know, just to say SOMETHING.
ANYTHING.

today is eem-er's 7th birthday

and i am so grateful for the extra time, her check-up last month was good.
today, my friend lost his dog, his longtime companion...i remember that pain. actually, "remember" is not the right word for it. i still live it.
so i feel the slightest bit guilty about "celebrating" eem-er's birthday...but? it also reminds me of the need to.
so sorry, my friend. but kippur is where he will be young and healthy forever. and he's got good company over there while he waits.

the absurdity

is the ache in my brain...mostly.
work for a big company and it's "the man, the machine" that gets to you.
work for a small company and it's actually a man, or two...or ya know, a woman. or two.
look at the bigger picture of life? it's overwhelming.
try to take one day at time? too limiting.
i stumble around trying to think that i overthink things.
that it's me.
but you know what?
i see things just fine.
i see the the absurdity.
and that, that is what causes the ache.

tomorrow is my daddy's day.....

dad, we didn't always know each other....you had a whole life before me....of adventure and growing up kids and mom(bless you)

full of your own history and decisions and what worked and didn't....

and i know we've had some hard times seeing eye to eye...i'd like to think it's cuz we're so alike...

but honestly? as every day passes? i love you more.

and every time i listen to a willie nelson song, i hear your voice singing to me....and maybe you don't know how often i listen to willie but it's like, literally, every day....and? also? American Pie by don mclean....i remember sitting in the passenger seat of some blue american built car while you sang...it's a vivid, beautiful memory....

and i miss you lots, every day.

so yeah....shit happened. so what?

i can't believe how much your eyes light up when one of us, your children or grandchildren, walk into a room where you are....it is most beautific. it is one of the greatest gifts. thank you.
you gave me great siblings, and colourful aunts and uncles and memories, stories that weren't mine but now are....it wasn't always easy, for either of us, for any of us, but that has meant the lessons learned were more heartfelt. thank you.
Daddy, i love you. Hoping it's another beautiful Father's Day. Wish i was home, so much more than you might imagine. i'll be home soon, tho.
loveloveloveabsolutelove

you know it's just this thing in my head

but maybe there's something wrong with my head