six one way, half dozen the next

Despite the meds that seem to be working fairly well on my anxiety and depression, some days it just doesn't seem worth fucking waking up. Remember these girls, they will come up later. I do not consider myself a pessimist....not that I really consider myself an optomist, either. Nor, given my history, even a realist. I don't know what you might call me. I hope for the best, expect the worst. It's a curse. It is. One that I don't wish on anyone. When I wake up and go out first thing in the morning, I don't want to see this down the block...I want to see the flag iris in my front yard....sadly, usually, most years, someone steals them during the night. Not those hookers(please, anyone?), my flag irises.

I am tired of the sight of so much that can deconstruct our neighbourhood.....all these folks are waiting for a delivery at the crack house running for two solid years across the street.

I am tired of landlords/slumlords that don't give a flying fuck about the neighbourhood, whether they live in it or not.

Marco...yes, you.

We aren't the only folks investing in this neighbourhood. Trying to bring about a bit of beauty and pride. But, for all that, there are plenty of people who stay inside, who can't be bothered, who bitch and whine without even trying to make a difference.

That makes me tired, too. I am tired of fighting for neighbours who don't seem to give a damn...

it's not that much effort to go outside and try. Just fucking try. Once in a fricking while.

Seriously.

And for those people who are thinking they are coming down here to help the "poor homeless people?" Get in touch with local organizations, please. Hopefully ones not funded by VIHA. Take your donations to the Samaritan House...clothes, home appliances, tvs, video game stations, dvd players, whatever. Samaritan House is trying to make homes for women making a concerted effort to get off the street(apparently except for Amanda). Food donations? 7-10 Club. Or any local food bank. Even food banks in the North End are hurting.....

Please don't come hand out your second hand shoes to hookers in front of my house. Or blankets, or condoms or needles, or toothpaste.....there are about half a dozen agencies within a few blocks for that. Take them there. Please.

Your donations on the street don't make much any difference to them....but makes multiple hookers hang across the street from me, and my neighbours...and brings all the sexually deviant johns into my neighbourhood...where they acost me(or neighbours) as I try to walk up my own street. And then, the next day? I end up picking up all the things you gave them off the street. Thanks, ever so. If you really want to help? Help us find them a safe place to work that isn't in a residential neighbourhood. Go to Council. Make your plea. What you are doing here doesn't help. Try something new. Get down here and see what it's really like.

I wish that I could look at only these parts of life... the tiniest details of beauty.

Remote, intricate....serene. This is how I have always hoped my life to be...

but it seems, these moments are reserved for time away from my own home. How frickin' sad is that?

k, done bitchin'

for the moment