Often, I have moments, or hours, when I get the feeling that I want to go home...but I don't really know what that means. I am home. I have moments, or hours, so close to tears that I have to fake my way through....moments if someone asks me if I am alright, I may just burst into tears for no reason...no reason that I can make sense of....but my new Martin Sexton cds are helping...
my headphones drowning out everything...for a while, while I run and sweat...trying to outrun something....barely suppressed panic(thank you skullcap), most likely.....
so, i'm doggie paddling right now...head above water but not really moving forward too fast....but at least it's forward...i can recognize that...so my brain still works....i think....
but maybe you can understand why i am not posting too much right now?!?
k, thanks.
11 comments:
I feel for you, I really do. Been struggling with this myself for a few years. Well, more than a few years. I think that those of us that are prone to anxiety and depression tend to hit the wall during the perimenopausal time. Everything gets more intense and somewhat unpredictable.
I was doing fine all summer- no meds at all for quite some time - then the days got shorter, darker, rainier. Suddenly the ugliness creeps back. Anxiety takes over and if it gets out of control, depression rears it's ugly head.
I think you are doing great with your running and working. Hang on to those things. It's when I become so crippled with anxiety that I can't enjoy those types of grounding things I like to do that I will wave the white flag and get help. Been dealing with it for so long now. I hate wasting time feeling that way.
We should get together for coffee and chat (decaf for me...)
thanks, olly.
coffee sounds good...
Maybe it's time for a photo art challenge. Any ideas?
I can understand what you mean. Hang in there, things will be looking up in no time!
-Rick
I know exactly what you're going through. Hang in there.
be easy on yourself and hang in there chica!
Sounds like you are doing exactly what you should be doing. Take some time to yourself.
How is the insomnia? Are you sleeping any better?
biddie, sleep is awful...was waking up at 4am every morning and couldn't go back to sleep...with the daylight savings, it's now 3am...i am going to have to start going to bed at 8 pm soon....
Maybe I should call you some night. I am sure that I could bore you to sleep :)
I hope that you get caught up soon. I have some sleepers that I can send you if you get desperate. I know that you are into the more holistic way of doing things, but I do have some :)
There is an inordinate amount of bloggers going through this, so don't feel "alone." As people who like to write, we may be predisposed. And the change of seasons into the dark/dreariness of living in the north comes into play. Meds can help, so be open to options. Take excellent care of yourself!
Oh honey...
I know.
(I've just gotten better at faking my way through...)
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